The nights get long fast

[detective_girly]

Dani didn’t have much to pack. She lived light in her own home, but when she stayed in what was still someone else’s space, she lived like a runaway. Only enough clothes to fill one bag, only the basics of personal care items, just the things she needed immediately for work. She’d never intended to move in with Kevin Tidwell anyway. Doctor’s orders required someone there the first few days and she’d just never left. It was easier to easier to stay than to make the case she should be on her own.

She didn’t watch him while she packed her few items. He was busy watching her plenty for both of them. When she started packing, she’d told him it was about getting her head back on straight and going back to a normal routine. She’d implied she would still spend nights with him and that other things wouldn’t change. The way his eyes never left her strongly suggested that he didn’t believe her. Since she’d gotten out of the hospital they hadn’t had sex anyway, what reason would she have for coming back to his bed?

When the last things were packed, Dani sat down on the edge of the bed. She put her head in her hands for a long moment before looking up at him. She watched his face fall. He was never going to believe it wasn’t about him. She’d already played that card once with him. When she’d gotten drunk, she’d played it up as an issue of commitment. It wasn’t. It was listening to a good man talk about being close to his father and knowing that she was never going to feel that. And she’d gone straight to Crews.

Now she was facing the thing that drove her to the bottle last time, but instead of looking to the man whose bed she’d been sharing for help, she was yet again going to Crews. If it was just the case, this would be easier, but she kissed her partner. That was new. Or newish, if she was honest. She exhaled slowly, then started talking. Nothing she said made his expression brighten. In the end, he asked her the question. Are you ever coming back?

She said Maybe, but in the moment neither of them believed it. She knew now what Crews had been going through, why he stayed so closed off. There was no way she could sit this man down and tell him the things Crews had told her. She couldn’t drag him into it all anymore than she would have taken him on a drunken spree. Loving her didn’t sign him on for any of it.

She left without kissing him goodbye, without saying she’d see him the next day at work even though they would both be there. She knew there were questions he still wanted to ask her, the kinds lovers did when someone left, but she didn’t give him the chance. They couldn’t ever come back from those answers.




Work for the next few days was embarrassingly tense. There were reasons the rules against fraternization existed. The worst part wasn’t the longing glances Tidwell directed at Dani. The worst were the conflicted ones Crews got. Partly they said, You look after her.. Partly they said, Tell me what I did wrong, because you know her better than anyone.. But mostly they said, If you get her hurt again, I’ll kill you. Meanwhile Crews kept his head down or looked at her like he was waiting for her to recant everything that had happened at his house.

Sleeping alone worked reasonably well for her at first, but eventually the nightmares came. Roman’s voice, Roman’s hands on her, Crews getting into the SUV. When she realized the dreams weren’t going away, she did the second thing she could think of to make them stop. She got dressed at three in the morning, stuck his keys in her pocket, and went to Charlie Crews’ house because somehow, that made sense.

Comments

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

The looks from Tidwell almost got to be too much and as the days wore on, Charlie seriously considered a vacation or a transfer or anything that would make the looks stop.

The waiting for Reese to make a decision certainly didn't help, either. His sleep was starting to suffer, which was why he was awake when she arrived. He was in the living room, the television on with the volume down, a book open in his lap, even though he wasn't reading, either. He'd tried sleeping, so he was in a pair of lounge pants and nothing else.

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

It was late enough in the night for Dani to assume he'd be in bed. She let herself in, dropped the small bag she had with a change of clothes by the door, and headed toward the stairs. Her plan was to find a spare bedroom, crawl into the bed, and hope that some sleep came before Crews was up and they could talk.

Halfway up the stairs she realized he was there. She stopped cold and waited there for him to say something.

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He looked up when she came in, watching her drop her bag and head for the stairs. He thought about saying something, but nothing came to mind.

Then she was stopped on the stairs and looking at him. He smiled faintly and gave her a small wave. "Only two rooms have beds up there..."

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She glanced up the stairs, trying to figure out just how many bedrooms there were up there. One for him and one for Rachel. Those were the only ones that needed beds, logically. Slowly, she headed back down the stairs. "Would have been good to know that before I snuck in, huh?"

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He shifted some so there was room for her on the couch without having to sit pressed against him. "Nah. Rachel's not back yet."

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She sat on the couch, leaning back and closing her eyes. "Couch is fine. Don't want to intrude on her space." She glanced over for just a second. "Sleep isn't that likely anyway." He was up, too, so maybe he wouldn't give her too much grief for that.

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He glanced over at her, concern on his face. It only took him a moment to deduce what the problem was. "Nightmares?"

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She shrugged. "Nothing terribly unexpected. I'll have them for a while." That wasn't exactly true. The dreams weren't unexpected, but they were only the latest in a string of dreams since she was a kid. "Figured I'd be productive."

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

"By sneaking in in the middle of the night?" He smiled so she would know he was teasing. "Come to watch me sleep?"

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She gave him the look. "I was going to get a jump on things in the morning." Which sounded off in a way she didn't expect, but she wasn't going to press the point with him sitting there half naked. She'd seen his chest before, when he was shot, and other times when he'd had to change for some reason. "Miss rush hour traffic over here."

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He flushed a little, embarrassed, then closed his book at set it on the coffee table. It was a well-worn copy of Zen Mind, Beginner Mind. The remote for the TV rested next to it until he picked it up to hand to her.

"Make yourself at home. There's leftover take-out in the fridge, 200 channels on the television, and a pool."

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She took the remote because it was offered, but she stared at it in confusion. "How many of those channels have anything worth watching?" Particularly at almost four am. "And I don't have a suit."

As she mentioned the suit, she looked back over at him, noticing the flush. This was a really bad idea. They weren't ready to deal with it. She wasn't. "Maybe I'll read that." She pointed to the book with the remote.

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He pushed the book toward her. "You're welcome to." Then he flushed again, darker, as he continued. "Suits are not required."

Later, he was just blame it on being tired, but the idea of Dani Reese skinny dipping in his pool was having an effect on him. Both visibly and emotionally.

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She exhaled slowly, well aware of the deepening flush. "Crews--" She set the remote aside and shifted on the couch to face him fully. As she moved, she noticed the rest of his reaction. "I didn't come here for--"

She looked down, frowning. "I came here so I wouldn't drink. So I wouldn't do something stupid. I don't want to do something stupid now that I'm here."

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

Given that she hadn't called first, that she'd been surprised that he was awake, he believed her and now his flush came from shame. He ran his hand over his face and stood up.

"I know you didn't come here for that," he gestured to himself. "You came because you needed something that you thought you might find here." Pointing to the book, he managed a smile for her. "It might be in there. It might be in on my wall. Look for it wherever you need to."

He headed around the side of the couch, setting off toward the stairs. "I'm glad you came." The rest of the sentence was left unsaid as he headed up the stairs.

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

He was up and gone before she could properly form an answer that she wasn't offended or upset. And that he shouldn't be. Given everything in her past and in their present, it wouldn't have been unreasonable to think she might look for it in his arms. She set the remote on the couch next to her and put her head in her hands.

She'd thought about kissing him, thought about what it meant and where it came from, but only in the most fragmented ways. There were so many other things to worry about before she could really work on that. And now she was sitting in his living room, in the middle of the night, while was upstairs half dressed clearly thinking about her. With her eyes closed, she let herself think about him.

He was fit, controlled, and had a sense of humor. He was a sensualist, just look at the way he ate. And he was smart. He was smart in a way that meant he was creative. They knew how to play off each other, how to read each other. She groaned thickly. And that smart, handsome, sensual man was upstairs trying not to think of her because he was a gentleman.

"Fuck." She got up and headed up the stairs.

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

By the time she was at the top of the stairs, he was sitting on the edge of his bed. Trying very hard not to think about her. Taking advantage of her vulnerability, her need to have someplace safe, was complete unfair and he felt horrible for it looking that way.

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She knocked briefly on the door before walking in. He hadn't had enough time to be involved with anything too embarrassing. She hoped. Seeing him sitting there, she stopped and watched him for a moment before speaking. "We need to talk about the thing we didn't really talk about before. We--" She shrugged. "We mentioned it, but we didn't talk about it."

That was her fault. They couldn't talk about it then when she had to go back to Tidwell's.

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He looked up and nodded, then motioned her in by patting the bed next to him. It could have been taken any number of ways, but really he was just offering her a place to sit so they could talk.

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She took the invitation as intended. If he'd meant something else, he would have been clear about it. She took a long moment to get settled, then started with a gentle reminder. "It isn't just you. This is about us." If it was both of them, he shouldn't feel badly about thinking about it. "Right?"

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

He nodded, giving her a sidelong glance. "It's been about us for a long time, Reese."

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She nodded, knowing that meant more than just the case, more than just an attraction. It was all of it. It was her choosing him when she could have turned him in for the flushed pot or the knife. It was him helping her wash off airborne cocaine. It was all of it. They fit together.

She let out a long breath. "So what is it? What is this?"

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it." He smiled weakly. "It's something that both of us have been very carefully walking around. Until recently. Until there was no more hiding it." He shrugged. "And now we're here, with me making an ass out of myself, much like I always do."

[detective-girly.livejournal.com]

She'd been oblivious to it for a long time, then in denial. Now she was looking at it and couldn't see the edges. "You didn't. I did. We--" She shrugged. "It was nothing."

She meant that. She'd put him in an awkward position. "Now we're here and we should figure it out or we both will make asses out of ourselves."

[now-andnow.livejournal.com]

She had a very good point. "Might be too late on my part, but yes." He shifted on the bed, turning some to face her. "So, you left?"